Miss Brill
By Katherine Mansfield
ALTHOUGH it was so brilliantly fine–the blue sky powdered with gold and great spots
of light like white wine splashed over the Jardins Publiques–Miss Brill was glad that she
had decided on her fur. The air was motionless, but when you opened your mouth there
was just a faint chill, like a chill from a glass of iced water before you sip, and now and
again a leaf came drifting–from nowhere, from the sky. Miss Brill put up her hand and
touched her fur. Dear little thing! It was nice to feel it again. She had taken it out of its
box that afternoon, shaken out the moth powder, given it a good brush, and rubbed the
life back into the dim little eyes. "What has been happening to me?" said the sad little
eyes. Oh, how sweet it was to see them snap at her again from the red eiderdown! . . . But
the nose, which was of some black composition, wasn't at all firm. It must have had a
knock, somehow. Never mind–a little dab of black sealing-wax when the time came–
when it was absolutely necessary . . . Little rogue! Yes, she really felt like that about it.
Little rogue biting its tail just by her left ear. She could have taken it off and laid it on her
lap and stroked it. She felt a tingling in her hands and arms, but that came from walking,
she supposed. And when she breathed, something light and sad–no, not sad, exactly–
something gentle seemed to move in her bosom.
There were a number of people out this afternoon, far more than last Sunday. And the
band sounded louder and gayer. That was because the Season had begun. For although
the band played all the year round on Sundays, out of season it was never the same. It
was like some one playing with only the family to listen; it didn't care how it played if
there weren't any strangers present. Wasn't the conductor wearing a new coat, too? She
was sure it was new. He scraped with his foot and flapped his arms like a rooster about to
crow, and the bandsmen sitting in the green rotunda blew out their cheeks and glared at
the music. Now there came a little "flutey" bit–very pretty!–a little chain of bright drops.
She was sure it would be repeated. It was; she lifted her head and smiled.
Only two people shared her "special" seat: a fine old man in a velvet coat, his hands
clasped over a huge carved walking-stick, and a big old woman, sitting upright, with a
roll of knitting on her embroidered apron. They did not speak. This was disappointing,
for Miss Brill always looked forward to the conversation. She had become really quite
expert, she thought, at listening as though she didn't listen, at sitting in other people's
lives just for a minute while they talked round her.
She glanced, sideways, at the old couple. Perhaps they would go soon. Last Sunday, too,
hadn't been as interesting as usual. An Englishman and his wife, he wearing a dreadful
Panama hat and she button boots. And she'd gone on the whole time about how she ought
to wear spectacles; she knew she needed them; but that it was no good getting any; they'd
be sure to break and they'd never keep on. And he'd been so patient. He'd suggested
everything–gold rims, the kind that curve round your ears, little pads inside the bridge.
No, nothing would please her. "They'll always be sliding down my nose!" Miss Brill had
wanted to shake her.
The old people sat on a bench, still as statues. Never mind, there was always the crowd to
watch. To and fro, in front of the flower beds and the band rotunda, the couples and
groups paraded, stopped to talk, to greet, to buy a handful of flowers from the old beggar
who had his tray fixed to the railings. Little children ran among them, swooping and
laughing; little boys with big white silk bows under their chins, little girls, little French
dolls, dressed up in velvet and lace. And sometimes a tiny staggerer came suddenly
rocking into the open from under the trees, stopped, stared, as suddenly sat down "flop,"
until its small high-stepping mother, like a young hen, rushed scolding to its rescue.
Other people sat on the benches and green chairs, but they were nearly always the same,
Sunday after Sunday, and–Miss Brill had often noticed–there was something funny about
nearly all of them. They were odd, silent, nearly all old, and from the way they stared
they looked as though they'd just come from dark little rooms or even–even cupboards!
Behind the rotunda the slender trees with yellow leaves down drooping, and through
them just a line of sea, and beyond the blue sky with gold-veined clouds.
Tum-tum-tum tiddle-um! tiddle-um! tum tiddley-um tum ta! blew the band.
Two young girls in red came by and two young soldiers in blue met them, and they
laughed and paired and went off arm-in-arm. Two peasant women with funny straw hats
passed, gravely, leading beautiful smoke-coloured donkeys. A cold, pale nun hurried by.
A beautiful woman came along and dropped her bunch of violets, and a little boy ran
after to hand them to her, and she took them and threw them away as if they'd been
poisoned. Dear me! Miss Brill didn't know whether to admire that or not! And now an
ermine toque and a gentleman in gray met just in front of her. He was tall, stiff, dignified,
and she was wearing the ermine toque she'd bought when her hair was yellow. Now
everything, her hair, her face, even her eyes, was the same colour as the shabby ermine,
and her hand, in its cleaned glove, lifted to dab her lips, was a tiny yellowish paw. Oh,
she was so pleased to see him–delighted! She rather thought they were going to meet that
afternoon. She described where she'd been–everywhere, here, there, along by the sea. The
day was so charming–didn't he agree? And wouldn't he, perhaps? . . . But he shook his
head, lighted a cigarette, slowly breathed a great deep puff into her face, and even while
she was still talking and laughing, flicked the match away and walked on. The ermine
toque was alone; she smiled more brightly than ever. But even the band seemed to know
what she was feeling and played more softly, played tenderly, and the drum beat, "The
Brute! The Brute!" over and over. What would she do? What was going to happen now?
But as Miss Brill wondered, the ermine toque turned, raised her hand as though she'd
seen someone else, much nicer, just over there, and pattered away. And the band changed
again and played more quickly, more gayly than ever, and the old couple on Miss Brill's
seat got up and marched away, and such a funny old man with long whiskers hobbled
along in time to the music and was nearly knocked over by four girls walking abreast.
Oh, how fascinating it was! How she enjoyed it! How she loved sitting here, watching it
all! It was like a play. It was exactly like a play. Who could believe the sky at the back
wasn't painted? But it wasn't till a little brown dog trotted on solemn and then slowly
trotted off, like a little "theatre" dog, a little dog that had been drugged, that Miss Brill
discovered what it was that made it so exciting. They were all on stage. They weren't
only the audience, not only looking on; they were acting. Even she had a part and came
every Sunday. No doubt somebody would have noticed if she hadn't been there; she was
part of the performance after all. How strange she'd never thought of it like that before!
And yet it explained why she made such point of starting from home at just the same time
each week–so as not to be late for the performance–and it also explained why she had a
queer, shy feeling at telling her English pupils how she spent her Sunday afternoons. No
wonder! Miss Brill nearly laughed out loud. She was on the stage. She thought of the old
invalid gentleman to whom she read the newspaper four afternoons a week while he slept
in the garden. She had got quite used to the frail head on the cotton pillow, the hollowed
eyes, the open mouth and the high pinched nose. If he'd been dead she mightn't have
noticed for weeks; she wouldn't have minded. But suddenly he knew he was having the
paper read to him by an actress! "An actress!" The old head lifted; two points of light
quivered in the old eyes. "An actress–are ye?" And Miss Brill smoothed the newspaper as
though it were the manuscript of her part and said gently; "Yes, I have been an actress for
a long time."
The band had been having a rest. Now they started again. And what they played was
warm, sunny, yet there was just a faint chill–a something, what was it?–not sadness–no,
not sadness–a something that made you want to sing. The tune lifted, lifted, the light
shone; and it seemed to Miss Brill that in another moment all of them, all the whole
company, would begin singing. The young ones, the laughing ones who were moving
together, they would begin and the men's voices, very resolute and brave, would join
them. And then she too, she too, and the others on the benches–they would come in with
a kind of accompaniment–something low, that scarcely rose or fell, something so
beautiful–moving. . . . And Miss Brill's eyes filled with tears and she looked smiling at all
the other members of the company. Yes, we understand, we understand, she thought–
though what they understood she didn't know.
Just at that moment a boy and girl came and sat down where the old couple had been.
They were beautifully dressed; they were in love. The hero and heroine, of course, just
arrived from his father's yacht. And still soundlessly singing, still with that trembling
smile, Miss Brill prepared to listen.
"No, not now," said the girl. "Not here, I can't."
"But why? Because of that stupid old thing at the end there?" asked the boy. "Why does
she come here at all–who wants her? Why doesn't she keep her silly old mug at home?"
"It's her fu-ur which is so funny," giggled the girl. "It's exactly like a fried whiting."
"Ah, be off with you!" said the boy in an angry whisper. Then:
"Tell me, ma petite chère–"
"No, not here," said the girl. "Not yet."
. . . . . . . On her way home she usually bought a slice of honeycake at the baker's. It was
her Sunday treat. Sometimes there was an almond in her slice, sometimes not. It made a
great difference. If there was an almond it was like carrying home a tiny present–a
surprise–something that might very well not have been there. She hurried on the almond
Sundays and struck the match for the kettle in quite a dashing way.
But to-day she passed the baker's by, climbed the stairs, went into the little dark room–
her room like a cupboard–and sat down on the red eiderdown. She sat there for a long
time. The box that the fur came out of was on the bed. She unclasped the necklet quickly;
quickly, without looking, laid it inside. But when she put the lid on she thought she heard
something crying.
